Women come to me because I motivate, encourage and challenge them to reflect on what takes them from enthusiasm and energy to stressed and lethargic. It’s not about being fluffy or providing ‘tea and sympathy’ because that’s not what women need. They need to be taken seriously and supported to be their best and the same theme comes up time and time again. No matter how successful they are, there is always that doubt; the colleague or boss that undermines, the potential client who suddenly appears uninterested, the business deal that fell through. We all too often assume that it’s something we’ve done wrong and then we waste time and energy thinking about what more we could have done in the mistaken belief that we can change the outcome if only we had tried harder.
The impact of the pandemic and now the third lockdown has left my clients feeling helpless, despondent and sometimes distraught. Many are working from home, home schooling and trying to work out how and when to go to the supermarket. Those who have the opportunity of going back to work are scared, worried and wonder whether it’s worth the risk. For example, I’ve had a client who had been furloughed, a client who had lost their job and another who is struggling with a new boss (remotely) and feels that she’s not being listened to anymore. What they want and need is to feel in control, but that’s the problem. As Byron Katie, an American author said “If you want real control, drop the illusion of control; let life live you. It does anyway”. The only thing we can control is our response and I want to share one of the techniques I use with clients to help them feel better about life, work and relationships by thinking about their response.
Refocus – Ask yourself, what is actually important to me? What couldn’t you do without? Your children/ partner/ family? Your health? Your hobby – losing your sense of smell if you love cooking or gardening, losing you sight if you love reading, or your hearing if you love listening to music. You get the idea.
Reframe your response – Ask yourself, if x is so important to me, what will I do to make sure I can give it attention? What do I need to change, start, stop doing?
Recommit to making x happen. Write yourself a note on your mobile or on a Post It to remind you what you have committed to do.
It’s one way of beginning to think differently about yourself, take responsibility for what you can control and then doing it. You will regain your confidence (because actually, it’s always been there it just needs a bit of a nudge).
So, try the activity, be kind to yourself, believe in yourself, and then on a bad day, fake it anyway!
If you need help, book a chat here.